I’m drunk and missing everyone. Yeah that means like 3 people. Who are all missed for different reasons. But I miss them. One of you will probably see this and should know I mean you. The others likely don’t know of my blog. But yeah general announcement of drunk missing.
I used to like mild-ly sweet wines like Riesling most, and have been trying to expand my taste…and I’m having an old favorite now and it tastes sickeningly sweet.
..kinda shit bc I have a bottle of this, but it also makes me feel like a fancier wine drinker.
When my husband [Carl Sagan] died, because he was so famous and known for not being a believer, many people would come up to me — it still sometimes happens — and ask me if Carl changed at the end and converted to a belief in an afterlife. They also frequently ask me if I think I will see him again.
Carl faced his death with unflagging courage and never sought refuge in illusions. The tragedy was that we knew we would never see each other again. I don’t ever expect to be reunited with Carl. But, the great thing is that when we were together, for nearly twenty years, we lived with a vivid appreciation of how brief and precious life is. We never trivialized the meaning of death by pretending it was anything other than a final parting. Every single moment that we were alive and we were together was miraculous — not miraculous in the sense of inexplicable or supernatural. We knew we were beneficiaries of chance… That pure chance could be so generous and so kind… That we could find each other, as Carl wrote so beautifully in Cosmos, you know, in the vastness of space and the immensity of time… That we could be together for twenty years. That is something which sustains me and it’s much more meaningful.
The way he treated me and the way I treated him, the way we took care of each other and our family, while he lived. That is so much more important than the idea I will see him someday. I don’t think I’ll ever see Carl again. But I saw him. We saw each other. We found each other in the cosmos, and that was wonderful.”
Getting a tattoo didn’t feel as metal I thought I would. But felt more like going to the dentist. Laying down, some discomfort, and costs more than I wanted it to.
A bit mad… soon a position is opening up at work, and my boss kept telling me it was between me and one other person. Then today I find out from the other guy, that in a meeting he was told it’s him who is getting the promotion. I thought he would get it. But I’m mad that I was being told I was a contender when he was told he would get it without anything to make it look like we were both contenders. It was probably always him and he was being nice.
My boss pretty much promised someone a position once, and he didn’t get it, and he blew up at my boss and got fired.
I understand wanting to be nice and making me feel valuable but i feel pretty lied to about being a contender. You’d think there would be at least some interview process or something. Or that maybe I wouldn’t have to hear this second hand. It feels rude.
Ugh, I’m covering a shift for someone at work and it’s so slow. Beyond bored. To the point that i tried some online chat with strangers thing… and its like the only thing people want to do is talk to you on something else. Pretty sure it’s just cause they want something that lets them get pics, but these guys all have zero game that even if I was remotely open to anythingggg they would have zero fucking chance. So now I have no idea what to do and no one is texting back and I’m stuck here till 3am. UGHHHH
So I probably really need to see my psychiatrist again. Everything is pissing me off. I keep feeling overwhelmed to the point I feel sick. And thoughts of hurting myself have been more prevalent than usual.
But I’m a bit afraid to ask time off from work as this is just following taking off for dentist appointments and my boss makes me feel like without me the desk falls apart.
Plus I don’t want to get weighed, i feel like I’ve been eating less but still don’t want that. And really don’t want my doctor to ask about drinking.