Hearts Stars and Rainbows

I think there shall be feelings here

So I probably really need to see my psychiatrist again. Everything is pissing me off. I keep feeling overwhelmed to the point I feel sick. And thoughts of hurting myself have been more prevalent than usual. 

But I’m a bit afraid to ask time off from work as this is just following taking off for dentist appointments and my boss makes me feel like without me the desk falls apart. 

Plus I don’t want to get weighed, i feel like I’ve been eating less but still don’t want that. And really don’t want my doctor to ask about drinking. 

UGHHH

Ugh. Pretty sure who ever wrote this doesn’t have a need for antidepressants. I’m in love, I’ve been in love before as well and have been depressed. Hugs don’t solve anything. They would just make me feel bad because they care and I’m not better. Sometimes they were nice, but usually people caring about me made me feel worse. 

Ugh. Pretty sure who ever wrote this doesn’t have a need for antidepressants. I’m in love, I’ve been in love before as well and have been depressed. Hugs don’t solve anything. They would just make me feel bad because they care and I’m not better. Sometimes they were nice, but usually people caring about me made me feel worse. 

(via aciidmoon)

I probably do really need to start drinking less. According to an article, bipolar II is about a 50% of any substance abuse or dependence. Given the article is 12 years old, so that’s probably not accurate anymore, I’m just too lazy for proper research. But that still sort of scares me. 

marilynpoy said: Thank you for reblogging my "Filth Quick Review!" It means a lot...just curious, if you've seen the movie, what would you rate it out of 10 and why? :)

heartsstarsandrainbows:

Yeah, I just saw the movie. I’d probably rate it similarly to you. It was a bit out there at times, but I know that was part of why I liked it. But like you were saying it’s grounded enough that it’s not just crazyness, an even with James’ character being an ass, he’s, in a sense, the underdog, and those are so easy to root for. I think you’re review was pretty spot on. Especially about the subtitles lol. 

I meant to reply privately but whatever. Lol

marilynpoy said: Thank you for reblogging my "Filth Quick Review!" It means a lot...just curious, if you've seen the movie, what would you rate it out of 10 and why? :)

Yeah, I just saw the movie. I’d probably rate it similarly to you. It was a bit out there at times, but I know that was part of why I liked it. But like you were saying it’s grounded enough that it’s not just crazyness, an even with James’ character being an ass, he’s, in a sense, the underdog, and those are so easy to root for. I think you’re review was pretty spot on. Especially about the subtitles lol. 

Finally eased myself back to the right dose of my meds. Fell of them and started up again slowly, without seeing my doctor, bc admitting I didn’t take them makes me feel like shit, but probably isn’t the best idea. But now within a couple weeks or so if I don’t start feeling more stable I will need to go back, well should. I try to pretend everything is normal. But I feel like I want to bring up how I keep getting dreams confused with reality, I have no idea if that is at all related but it’s very annoying. 

Since I was little I was always called very sensitive. Being emotional,  over-thinking, anxiety, ect sparkled with bits of feeling amazing have been what is normal to me. Blah, I didn’t mean to get ranting as much. But yea, that was my normal for a while, and when it was bad I was contemplating suicide because I was like if this is what life is I don’t want it. And since having a diagnosis, it makes me wonder if what I’m feeling ever is “normal” or the disorder. What is everything like for others. 

marilynpoy:

Quick Review: Filth (2013)

This film is vulgar, repulsive, ruthless, and offensive. But as much as I despised James McAvoy’s character, the film was also dark, hilarious, heartbreaking, and captivating. I felt so conflicted rooting for him, but even with all of the disgusting sex and the weird hallucinations, there was enough sentimentality and verisimilitude to ground this movie to reality and it made me care for every single one of the characters. Sure McAvoy’s a class “A” jerk in Filth and I’d like to see someone punch him in the face, but I also wanted him to get that promotion he was working so hard for. And boy, there were quite a few powerful key scenes in the movie, and when they came, they hit me really hard, and I found myself tearing up (or straight up crying) in every one of those scenes. Oh James McAvoy, stop breaking my heart! You’re so talented…I can’t bear it. But seriously guys…this is an amazing psychological thriller. You need to watch it. 

My Rating: 8/10 “Really Good”

Movie blog  xx

P.S. This movie is nearly impossible to understand without subtitles. You’ve been warned. 

neja-orange:

same rules apply

neja-orange:

same rules apply

cinegraphic:

81/200 - ‘Filth’ (2013)

cinegraphic:

81/200 - ‘Filth’ (2013)

mattystanfield:

"There is something seriously wrong with me."

FILTH

James McAvoy

Jon S. Baird | 2013

Matthew Jensen | Cinematography

I’ve found that people who admit up-front that they are assholes tend to be less of an asshole than those who dont

Like I’m happy but I also want to hit people for not slapping me when I a total ass or something. 

Here’s hoping the slow ease up to the level of meds my psychiatrist wants me on helps more. Cause fun fact, one of my most noticeable symptoms of a mixed state is fuckin everything pisses me off. 


Untitled 1, Garden - by Mike Perry 
dareyoudamn:

hah | via Tumblr unter We Heart It.

dareyoudamn:

hah | via Tumblr unter We Heart It.