Fuckin’ free time. Haven’t had any in ages and now the bf is gone on a hiking trip and I don’t know what to do. This is too much freedom. All I’m doing is drinking red wine and wishing he was back so I could bother him. Plus I’m sure baby cat misses him too. So i’m rambling on tumblr now, but whatevs.. keeps me from rambling to my friends till they are annoyed or something.
I have like sudden burst of mushy lovey feelings and it’s annoying. Like driving home, I was like oh no what if something bad happened to me, like some serious injury, I wouldn’t even be able to call him. And that made me so sad I was almost crying in my car. Though I guess all this week I’ve been on the verge of crying. I left work after about 2 hrs on tuesday bc I couldn’t talk to anyone without my eyes watering up. I even took a break and walked around, didn’t help. Thinking I may need to see the psychiatrist again. This week was the first in a while where it felt more bipolar-ly or whatever. On the verge of crying a lot, and then very irritable. So def not my fave time for bf to be gone hiking. I’ve been wanting lots of cuddles. .. And also him to clean up his mess. He left camping shit around the place. .
..ok time to find some more enthralling netflix so I stop writing here
It almost feels pathetic that this is a thing. I’m drinking a beer alone in my apartment. And no one is telling me no or trying to make me feel guilty or saying a drink will make me do bad things. I can’t believe I was in a relationship were when I asked to have a beer at my place on week day by myself it started a fight. That’s too controlling.